My dear, dear friend is at it again. Unlike his "I don't believe we ever landed men on the moon" website, I allow comments from anyone, so I'm not entirely sure why he felt the need to ask me questions on his. But I'll oblige, because he needs this. He really does. Although, Mr. Charlie, it's not polite to masturbate about Tim Hall conspiracy theories until the sun goes down. Fair warning.
Re: Tim Hall. Why do I care that you think I'm him? I don't, really. I think it's funny. I find it amusing that you must think the ULA is so terrifying and intimidating that I, or any other person, for that matter, would need to go through hoops to throw people off the trail. "I'm Tim Hall! Oh shit, they're coming for me! Time to buy a fake passport and burn my fingerprints off...I'm Bryan Guski! Thank goodness, that was a close one. I almost had to hear another Wenclas story about the Ontario border, and I hear that's fatal."
So, "Chillie" (the true example of how to live with your own actual identity), you can combine every single person who thinks the ULA is ignorant, bitter bullshit into one single entity. You can think every person who knows of them and find them to be worthless is some person who only has a personal grudge against them. Bryan Guski, Tim Hall, A. Swift, and all of those other people who have posted under one name or another about how much this so-called organization sucks, can all be Tim Hall. I don't give a shit, because the ULA isn't important enough to waste much time making the distinction beyond what I already have.
Personally, my only reason for feeling insulted at all is that (a.) Tim Hall is a shitty writer and (b.) much like Michael Grover, he is and always will be a ULA-guy in spirit. Dumb, mean assholes with a fundamental misunderstanding of what readers want to see (those who don't like Moody (like me!) don't HAVE to find ULA/Tim Hall/Mike Grover writing worthwhile...they may even find it painfully bad (like me!). But I guess, in the minds of guys like that, not liking writing worthy of middle-school writing exercises would make me a counter-revolutionary. It's borgeois to want something, oh, interesting. Or requiring talent. Or worth the ten minutes it takes to read a Wenclas, Potter, Finch, Grover, or Hall, uh, "masterpiece." So, they're all the ULA to me, which is why I prefer not to be confused with any of them. The fact that Grover/Hall happen not to get along with the rest of the crew doesn't do much to redeem them, I'm afraid. They're all the same. But whatever you want, sweetheart, this is the last post I'll deal with that particular issue.
The Underground Literary Alliance is not the CIA, FBI, NSA...they're not even the AARP (even if most of the big wigs are members). Nobody's scared of them. Pretending to be someone else, while fine (because this issue CAN'T be taken seriously), is a waste of time. I've explained in my first post how the "secret-conversation-that-no-one-could-possibly-know-about" between Karl and the New Criterion editor was published in full on the fucking New Criterion weblog. I'm sorry if that tears to shreds the pile of evidence you've collected by finding Navajo code in People Magazine articles, but it happens to be true. You can even scroll down to the first post to see the links directly to the material I'm talking about, but I'm afraid your brain might implode if you actually did.
About Time Out New York? Let me walk you through this, "Charlie." It may be difficult to follow. Make sure to not check the mail every 5 seconds for those nude pictures of Tim Hall and Karl Wenclas, and concentrate.
THE TIME OUT NEW YORK MYSTERY IN SEVERAL EASY STEPS:
1. I am in my late twenties.
2. I learned to read between the ages of 5 and 6.
3. Time Out New York is published for public consumption.
4. Published material, on occassion, is something the public is aware of.
5. Karl Wenclas's weblog does not require a Tim-Hall-A.-Swift-registration code to read.
6. I read Karl's website, and saw what he and A. Swift said about Time Out New York.
7. I agreed with what A. Swift said, because I know what Time Out New York is.
8. I decided that, despite my terror at being accused of being the (gasp!) same mastermind criminal as the original commenter, I would say out loud that I agreed with A. Swift.
9. I, uh, commented on it.
10. I burned my fingerprints off and got plastic surgery, because Karl and Charlie were on the trail. The geniuses.
That is the mystery.
Charlie, you're probably my favorite of all these guys. I think I might love you, actually. Your close examination of word choices, posting histories, links...the fact that you dedicated a weblog to me during a, I dunno, 7 or 8 month period when I didn't even read any of the ULA bullshit or comment on it here or anywhere. It takes a certain kind of pathetic dedication. Not even Wenclas could handle that...even he moved on to "Dispatches from Planet Zytron" or something after a month or two. In case you missed it, it was these, y'know, dispatches from, y'know, Planet Zytron (I think it was a expertly disguised earth....shhhh!). And, of course, as you know, it was brilliant.
Charles, an independent defender of all that is right and holy in the world, one who fights for all that makes the sun rise and that allows a righteous, moral order to reign over mankind... that's the ULA and Karl Wenclas (peace be upon him), in case, you know, that sounds fucking insane and you couldn't guess it. Guardian at the Gate, Chilly Charlie, I salute your bravery in facing down this "lit castle" conspiracy. Personally, I nominate you for "Zeen Elvis."
I feel I haven't done enough for you yet, however. So, I'll give you the two things you need and love most: links and conspiracy confirmation. Bully. Bully. Bully. Narcissist. Narcissist. Narcissist. Bully narcissist. Bully! Narcissist! TIM HALL!
But, for the record, despite my desire to help you out, I won't be shoving any tin foil hats up my ass, because, as you probably know, that would be moderately uncomfortable.
Re: Tim Hall. Why do I care that you think I'm him? I don't, really. I think it's funny. I find it amusing that you must think the ULA is so terrifying and intimidating that I, or any other person, for that matter, would need to go through hoops to throw people off the trail. "I'm Tim Hall! Oh shit, they're coming for me! Time to buy a fake passport and burn my fingerprints off...I'm Bryan Guski! Thank goodness, that was a close one. I almost had to hear another Wenclas story about the Ontario border, and I hear that's fatal."
So, "Chillie" (the true example of how to live with your own actual identity), you can combine every single person who thinks the ULA is ignorant, bitter bullshit into one single entity. You can think every person who knows of them and find them to be worthless is some person who only has a personal grudge against them. Bryan Guski, Tim Hall, A. Swift, and all of those other people who have posted under one name or another about how much this so-called organization sucks, can all be Tim Hall. I don't give a shit, because the ULA isn't important enough to waste much time making the distinction beyond what I already have.
Personally, my only reason for feeling insulted at all is that (a.) Tim Hall is a shitty writer and (b.) much like Michael Grover, he is and always will be a ULA-guy in spirit. Dumb, mean assholes with a fundamental misunderstanding of what readers want to see (those who don't like Moody (like me!) don't HAVE to find ULA/Tim Hall/Mike Grover writing worthwhile...they may even find it painfully bad (like me!). But I guess, in the minds of guys like that, not liking writing worthy of middle-school writing exercises would make me a counter-revolutionary. It's borgeois to want something, oh, interesting. Or requiring talent. Or worth the ten minutes it takes to read a Wenclas, Potter, Finch, Grover, or Hall, uh, "masterpiece." So, they're all the ULA to me, which is why I prefer not to be confused with any of them. The fact that Grover/Hall happen not to get along with the rest of the crew doesn't do much to redeem them, I'm afraid. They're all the same. But whatever you want, sweetheart, this is the last post I'll deal with that particular issue.
The Underground Literary Alliance is not the CIA, FBI, NSA...they're not even the AARP (even if most of the big wigs are members). Nobody's scared of them. Pretending to be someone else, while fine (because this issue CAN'T be taken seriously), is a waste of time. I've explained in my first post how the "secret-conversation-that-no-one-could-possibly-know-about" between Karl and the New Criterion editor was published in full on the fucking New Criterion weblog. I'm sorry if that tears to shreds the pile of evidence you've collected by finding Navajo code in People Magazine articles, but it happens to be true. You can even scroll down to the first post to see the links directly to the material I'm talking about, but I'm afraid your brain might implode if you actually did.
About Time Out New York? Let me walk you through this, "Charlie." It may be difficult to follow. Make sure to not check the mail every 5 seconds for those nude pictures of Tim Hall and Karl Wenclas, and concentrate.
THE TIME OUT NEW YORK MYSTERY IN SEVERAL EASY STEPS:
1. I am in my late twenties.
2. I learned to read between the ages of 5 and 6.
3. Time Out New York is published for public consumption.
4. Published material, on occassion, is something the public is aware of.
5. Karl Wenclas's weblog does not require a Tim-Hall-A.-Swift-registration code to read.
6. I read Karl's website, and saw what he and A. Swift said about Time Out New York.
7. I agreed with what A. Swift said, because I know what Time Out New York is.
8. I decided that, despite my terror at being accused of being the (gasp!) same mastermind criminal as the original commenter, I would say out loud that I agreed with A. Swift.
9. I, uh, commented on it.
10. I burned my fingerprints off and got plastic surgery, because Karl and Charlie were on the trail. The geniuses.
That is the mystery.
Charlie, you're probably my favorite of all these guys. I think I might love you, actually. Your close examination of word choices, posting histories, links...the fact that you dedicated a weblog to me during a, I dunno, 7 or 8 month period when I didn't even read any of the ULA bullshit or comment on it here or anywhere. It takes a certain kind of pathetic dedication. Not even Wenclas could handle that...even he moved on to "Dispatches from Planet Zytron" or something after a month or two. In case you missed it, it was these, y'know, dispatches from, y'know, Planet Zytron (I think it was a expertly disguised earth....shhhh!). And, of course, as you know, it was brilliant.
Charles, an independent defender of all that is right and holy in the world, one who fights for all that makes the sun rise and that allows a righteous, moral order to reign over mankind... that's the ULA and Karl Wenclas (peace be upon him), in case, you know, that sounds fucking insane and you couldn't guess it. Guardian at the Gate, Chilly Charlie, I salute your bravery in facing down this "lit castle" conspiracy. Personally, I nominate you for "Zeen Elvis."
I feel I haven't done enough for you yet, however. So, I'll give you the two things you need and love most: links and conspiracy confirmation. Bully. Bully. Bully. Narcissist. Narcissist. Narcissist. Bully narcissist. Bully! Narcissist! TIM HALL!
But, for the record, despite my desire to help you out, I won't be shoving any tin foil hats up my ass, because, as you probably know, that would be moderately uncomfortable.
posted by Bryan Guski at Tuesday, April 18, 2006
4 Comments:
so wenclas is still a huckster and a publicity whore who exploits bad, naive writers for his own grandstanding. and you're still the worthless, childish, defensive ass who gives him pages of fuming critique. whoever you really are, you're a bigger waste than he is.
Many apologies, I'm sure. As the King will tell you, from experience, pages of fuming critique make the world go 'round. But I am pleased to hear you say The King (Peace Be Upon Him) is a waste, even if I'm a bigger one.
For the record, I'm quite sure emersondemerol is Tim Hall too. Notice his usage of the term "Underoos" that were a type of underwear for children that, you guessed it, Tim Hall has probably heard of before. I rest my case.
What it comes down to is this: insulting or finding a bone to pick with the ULA is what they need to be envigorated. I don't really care. Helping them out, in my own small way, once every 7 months or so, is sort of a revolting honor. They need this, or else they would succumb to dementia. Well, succumb to it MORE.
But Emersondemerol, I've done some Chilly-Charlie-esque snooping around, and after taking your internet fingerprints, it turns out I was wrong. You're actually Karl Wenclas, you schizophrenic you.
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